Sugar Coats

I may have joined crew today, just waiting for the email to see if I actually can. I think I might actually enjoy it, I always thought it looked really cool when I saw it on the Olympics....and it's also sort of a desperate attempt to somehow make friends.....and it rhymes with TRUE.

It was ridiculously windy today. Like, the-wind-will-knock-you-to-the-ground sort of windy. Twas pretty awesome.

In case anyone was unaware....I really need friends, it's starting to get sad (well...I guess it already was, but seriously? a month without. sigh). Rebecca said that Hofstra must be some sort of alternate universe because she doesn't understand how no one is friends with me yet. Which was sweet of her to say. And I'm starting to agree.

Irony: the longer I go without social interaction, the more anti-social I prefer to be. You'd think I'd be going out of my way trying to find some sort of connection with people, but I'm really just done with the whole idea. 

whateverthefuck

rawr. rawr. rawr. BAH

Are we friends? I'm confused. What do you want from me?!

All you can do is trust that I'll figure it out, I know you wish you could do more.

SHUT UP. shutupshutupshutup

All I want, is to be able to come home, into your arms, that's where I belong. I love you.

Just have fun. Everything will be fine. I promise.

Are you okay?

I miss you :( I miss all of you, together.

I don't know how to help you, you need to tell me more.

Thank you for letting me talk to you this afternoon :)

Not to be mean, but I would like to know if there is anyone from my class who went to college and is not having fun. Just want to know that I'm not alone. Is it bad to hope someone else is like me?

For some reason I didn't think that I would procrastinate as much in college as I did in high school. I don't know what made me think that my habits would change...hahaha.

SEPTEMBER ISN'T EVEN OVER YET. what the fuck. rawr. SO DONE.

AUGH. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. FUCK. 

Haha, I write so many blogs that I don't post. You should see how many drafts I have...ridiculous.

I'm really frustrated with everything. I don't even want to list it all. I'm glad I'm still a teenager, cause this whole angsty teen bit really wouldn't do otherwise. I kinda want to throw things...

I don't feel like being coherent. Sorry. Haha.

Realization

Nothing is changing.

It's so BORING. 

I've realized that's what this is. Why I'm tired and apathetic.

I do the same goddamn thing every fucking day.

The problem: I don't want to do anything differently. Nothing is appealing when you have to do it alone. rawr.

On another note, this past weekend ended up being awesome, if a bit stressful to begin with. Thank you Sarah, Lexie and Abby for letting me crash in on your plans for the day/night :) Love you :D

-------------an hour later------------------

Just got off the phone with my dad (also talked to my mom before that, haha).

I miss my family.

sigh.

Always, The Days Change

My music is always too loud.

The desk and chair and bed are always a mess.

The hallway is always empty.

The words are always the same.

The meaning is always there.

Today I saw a two guys holding hands. It made me smile the entire way back to my dorm.

Yesterday the sun warmed the air, but I still wore a jacket.

Tonight I started writing.

Last night I drowned out the world, exhausted.

The situation has yet to change, but I remember who I am now, and there is hope.

Tears

It's not the tears that I hate

the way they make my eyes burn and sting

the way I can't seem to breathe 

the way my throat closes up, tight and unyielding

the way I can't quite seem to stop

No

It's not the tears that I hate

It's the pain in my heart

I wouldn't mind crying, if it didn't hurt so bad.

Seriously?

Only a week?

Slowest week of my life. I don't think I can survive a semester like this.