Top Ten Change

For the first time since I got into Wizard Rock over a year ago, it is not the most listened to song/album/artist on my iTunes.

My top 10 most listened to songs are only spread out over five different artists though, and Wrock still contributes heavily to the top 10 (it's just not number one):

1. Melee (Built to Last)
2. Julia Nunes (You Were)
3. Landon Pigg (Falling in Love at a Coffeeshop)
4. Ludovico Einaudi (Andare)
5. Ministry of Magic (6 of my top ten songs are MoM songs, I won't bother listing)

I was only surprised by the sudden drop in Ministry of Magic's status because I hadn't synced my iPod with my iTunes for a really long while before I switched computers, so I was unaware of the transition and it seemed rather sudden. I'm really not surprised that Melee got first through this change, they were the first album I ever got in to my iTunes, and Built to Last is certainly my favorite song by them. Once I bought Julia Nunes' CD I listened to it pretty much nonstop for a few weeks after, so it got up there pretty easily. I actually had not realized that I listened to the "Falling in Love" song that often, I've only had it for a little more than a month, whereas I've had all the other songs for much longer; but it is quite a wonderful song, and it makes me happy :) Andare is my favorite classical song, it was a free song on iTunes a really long while ago, and I've put it on each of my Calm playlists (of which there are 4 by this point), which I listen to with relative frequency. And when I got it at first, I listened to it on repeat for a whole day, just to immerse myself in the song. Of course, Ministry of Magic remains my favorite Wizard Rock band of all time, and I always have one of their CDs with me when I'm driving (so I suppose it might be higher up there if I were listening to my iPod instead of the CDs). It doesn't matter how I'm feeling, I'm always in the mood for the Ministry boys awesome vocals and songs :)

Just Drive

Last night, after work, I was not in the mood to go home. So I decided to drive for a while, I had a full tank of gas and a bit of an urge to get myself lost. But my first hope was to find a friend to talk to. I texted Chloe, she wasn't home; I knew Sarah wasn't home; and I drove by Abby's house and didn't see her car so I knew she wasn't home either (yeah I'm a creeper...). So I drove.

I took the back roads to Delaware, and once there, drove by my old house and then over to Silverside, which I followed for a while before turning on to some road that took me up to 202 South. I followed 202 until it split into 95, and I turned around and went all the way back. I turned down to take the far-side of Smithbridge, I went over the bridge and kept following the road. I decided to turn around after I started to get a little freaked out; it was dark, the road was both hilly and curvy (which is all well and good in the sunlight, but in the dark it's disconcerting), and I was alone. From how far I had taken the road, it took me almost 20 minutes to get back over 202 and then to my house. By this point I had been driving for over an hour. It wasn't much of an adventure, but the time had passed quickly and it felt so good to drive again.

I kind of want to go driving again tonight, but perhaps I should deter myself due to the unfortunate conditions of the road. Haha, we'll see.

In Which I Am Alone

The room isn't much bigger than my own, perhaps 3 feet wider; but it's empty, save for the two beds, the two desks, and the two dressers. For some inexplicable reason, my orientation roommate didn't show up and I have the room to myself, which sounds like it'd be really awesome right? 

You couldn't be more wrong.

I mean, I enjoy my alone time, I do. But that's in my own room where I know that someone is always just a room or two away. And it's full of everything that makes it my home within my home. 

This was different though. This was being completely disconnected. This was being without friends, because I'm no good at making the fast friendships that are required in these types of situations. I'm the one standing off to the side of the group, just listening, chuckling at other people, but never contributing because I have no idea what to say or how they will react to anything I could say. And by the second day of this, it started to get to me. The second night I got in bed, felt the echoing emptiness of my room, and let myself be crushed by waves of loneliness. I was exhausted from the constant activity that day, but I couldn't decide whether I more wanted to sleep or to cry.

The agenda for our last day called for individual missions, and the groups didn't meet up again. I had to walk to my advisement appointment and register for classes, register my computer, get my ID card, and checkout. This didn't particularly help me feel any better than the night before. I walked in the pouring rain from North campus to South campus, got lost, found my way, and after the appointment had to walk all the way back. I was soaked through, cold, uncomfortable, alone, hungry and altogether miserable. I was literally dripping water each time I got inside, and I had to give up on my Chucks after that and wear flip-flops because I didn't want to get sick from walking around with wet shoes/socks, plus it was uncomfortable (flip-flops weren't much better, but oh well).

So I've learned that I really don't handle be completely alone that well. And don't get me wrong, I'm totally excited for college, and I know this experience won't really be what it is like, so I'm not too worried (though I am a little bit anxious about making friends...).

Things To Say

- I didn't cry. I didn't even tear up.

- My walking partner was really awesome even though I thought he would be annoying. He made me laugh and I talked to him throughout the ceremony. He was also the only one to see me almost trip and fall on the way back to our seats, when he sat down next to me he said "How about that trip?" hahaha.

- The past three years that I have sat through graduations have been absolutely boring and terrible. But when you are actually part of the ceremony it isn't that bad, time practically flew away; sure my mind drifted a few times...but other than that, it truly wasn't terrible.

- This whole graduating thing is so crazy. Haha, Donna and I were in the hallway about ready to walk in and I just randomly said "Well this is weird" and she just looked at me like I was crazy and said "Did you just realize we're graduating?"

 

- I have a Macbook Pro. And it is absolutely amazing. Be jealous :P

- I just have to transfer all my iTunes stuff from my old laptop to this one, and also transfer all my old documents and bookmarks and whatnot.

- Tomorrow, me, Donna, Rebecca, Chelsea and Jenna are leaving to go to Busch Gardens for four days. Should be awesome. Though I do NOT look forward to the car ride, ugh. 

So begins my summer.

Just Look Over Your Shoulder

So after taking two absolutely horrific finals for AP psych and then math (which both worry me a tad), I'm done. I've finished it all. And now all that's left is a ceremony. Then those metaphorical doors will open, and I am free.

Only the edges of this has hit me so far. I can't quite believe it yet. And the full force of feeling that I'm truly done with this chapter in my life has yet to overwhelm me. It has come close a few times today:

When Sarah gave me her wonderful present.
When Barathi literally ran to me in the hallway for a hug.
When Abby hugged me and told me not to leave.
While listening to the CD that Rebecca made me and our group of friends. Almost every song makes me want to cry.

I know I have the whole summer left here before I actually leave. But Sunday is the literal end, and August is the true beginning, and everything in between is just the waiting. And yet I hope to make this a really amazing summer, even if half of it is in preparation for the year to come.

One of the songs on Becca's CD is "You'll Be In My Heart" from Tarzan. I completely forgot how wonderful this song is, for so many reasons, and I have listened to it quite a few times this afternoon. It makes me happy and want to cry all at once.