In Which I Am Alone

The room isn't much bigger than my own, perhaps 3 feet wider; but it's empty, save for the two beds, the two desks, and the two dressers. For some inexplicable reason, my orientation roommate didn't show up and I have the room to myself, which sounds like it'd be really awesome right? 

You couldn't be more wrong.

I mean, I enjoy my alone time, I do. But that's in my own room where I know that someone is always just a room or two away. And it's full of everything that makes it my home within my home. 

This was different though. This was being completely disconnected. This was being without friends, because I'm no good at making the fast friendships that are required in these types of situations. I'm the one standing off to the side of the group, just listening, chuckling at other people, but never contributing because I have no idea what to say or how they will react to anything I could say. And by the second day of this, it started to get to me. The second night I got in bed, felt the echoing emptiness of my room, and let myself be crushed by waves of loneliness. I was exhausted from the constant activity that day, but I couldn't decide whether I more wanted to sleep or to cry.

The agenda for our last day called for individual missions, and the groups didn't meet up again. I had to walk to my advisement appointment and register for classes, register my computer, get my ID card, and checkout. This didn't particularly help me feel any better than the night before. I walked in the pouring rain from North campus to South campus, got lost, found my way, and after the appointment had to walk all the way back. I was soaked through, cold, uncomfortable, alone, hungry and altogether miserable. I was literally dripping water each time I got inside, and I had to give up on my Chucks after that and wear flip-flops because I didn't want to get sick from walking around with wet shoes/socks, plus it was uncomfortable (flip-flops weren't much better, but oh well).

So I've learned that I really don't handle be completely alone that well. And don't get me wrong, I'm totally excited for college, and I know this experience won't really be what it is like, so I'm not too worried (though I am a little bit anxious about making friends...).