As It Were

I am so terrified.

I've been meaning to write a New Years type post, but I just haven't felt motivated to do so.

I made a new email account with gmail, but Blogger won't let me change the email address that this blog is attached to. Sigh.

Don't you hate when you can't figure out what kind of music you're in the mood to listen to? I would just turn it off, but I can't stand the silence either.

I'm reading this book called The Female Brain. It's pretty interesting. Though sometimes I cannot identify with the ideas it describes, and I wonder where the differences stem from.

The pictures and various items that were taken down to travel and hang at college have yet to return to their respective places upon my wall. I don't know if I'll be returning them any time soon. Perhaps they'll just wait til I leave again next year. Or perhaps I'll find other things to hang up in their stead.

We'll See Where This Leads

This is not where I planned on ending up. I don't understand how everything got so flipped around. In my ideal life I'm supposed to be away at college, on a beautiful campus, with these crazy amazing friends that I love living with and talking to, I'm supposed to be having intelligent conversations and good times with said friends, I'm supposed to be learning awesome things and taking cool classes. I am not supposed to be stuck between colleges. I was not supposed to utterly fail at making friends. I am not supposed to feel this insane pulling in all directions and feel the complete impossibility of decisions crashing down upon my head. 

Nothing happens the way it is supposed to. I was reading Maureen Johnson's blog earlier and she imparted this brilliant little piece of wisdom in the course of her writing: 

"And if you think there is a set way a story (or life) is supposed to go, you are mistaken—and happily so. Because there is a lot of fun to be had and things to be learned when you shake off those preconceptions. "

So I'm honestly going to try to just let things happen, to be as they are, to make the best of what decisions I have to make. But at the same time I want to be upset about it for a while, it really does suck. Don't you ever just want a day or two to give up and be upset and brood? Aside from those times that hormones force that attitude upon you without consent. I know it'll end up being okay, but right now, I don't know anything. So we'll see where this leads.

Etc...

It's amazing how much better I feel now that I've left Hofstra. I'm rather stressed about getting into West Chester for next semester, but otherwise I'm so much better. 

I had one of the best Christmases this year (or should I say last year...), not because I got everything I wanted (I didn't), but because my family is ridiculous. My mom bought everyone in my family nerf guns, including my grandpa, grandma, my uncle Chris, and my boyfriend. So all that day, and every day since, random battles have broken out. Our only rules are not attacking anyone unarmed (my uncle came up with that one). My favorite battle was me against my dad and my grandpa. Epic. Patrick and Jack also got this cool laser tag game, which was fun. And Patrick got Risk, which I played once that night. I lasted a while, but eventually Alex killed me off, at which point I ignored the rules, got my gun, and shot him in the head, mwahahahaha. So yeah, anyway, my family is hilarious and fun. 

Last weekend, I saw four movies. It's Complicated, with Sarah and Lexie, it was pretty good, funny. Sherlock Holmes with Tom, which was wonderful and cool, loved it. Avatar in 3D with most of my family, it was amazing and the technology was incredible, but 3D gives me a headache. And finally, Princess and the Frog with Sarah, it was so cute and a perfect Disney movie, it made me really really happy :) 

My New Years Eve and New Years Day were both awesome :) I didn't sleep at all until around 7 that morning, and that was for only about two hours, haha. The rest of that day was kinda hazy. 

My grandmother was here for Christmas and only left on New Years Eve, so I haven't slept in my bed for almost two weeks. And it was the most amazing thing laying down in my own bed again, haha.

For some reason, since coming home from Hofstra, my room seems to have less room in it. I honestly have no idea where all this stuff went before. I knew I wouldn't have enough room on my bookshelf when I got back, so I have a crate of books sitting next to it. And aside from that crate I have these three basket sort of things that I got for my dorm room, a big one, a medium sized one and a small one, they're all filled with random stuff, and I have no where to put the contents so the boxes are just sitting around my desk, haha. It is quite ridiculous.

I have not yet thought about New Years Resolutions and I'm not sure that I will. I think the only thing I need to do is figure out school and where the hell I'm going with it all. We'll see.