Love and Worries

I love hugs, and holding hands, and cute ways to physically connect with people that I love too much for words.

I've never been in a relationship, so for me, it feels like I'm missing something. And I know there are those people who love to be single, celebrate it really, but most of them have already been in a relationship (generally a bad one...) before they ever say that; or they're in denial. It's hard to love being single when all I want is to be somebody's someone. As I get older I find it harder and harder to accept the fact that no one has ever looked at me like that; harder to accept that and still have high self esteem. Maybe that's why I feel like I need my friends now more than ever, without them I would most certainly have more self-esteem issues than I do already.

On a different note: I think I made a terrible decision in only applying to two colleges; two pretty expensive colleges. What was I ever thinking? I'm incredibly worried I won't be able to go because of the expense, there are only so many scholarships I can earn and the government will only give my family so much. Gah, so stupid. I'm applying for the spring semester at Bloomsburg (because fall semester will probably be full now) just in case. I honestly don't know what I'll do with myself if I am unable to go to college until then. What was I thinking?

On another note: I'm really not in a bad mood right now, these are just things that remain constant in the (sort of) back of my mind. In truth, I am in a fantastically good, albeit exhausted, mood. I love everyone in ridiculous proportions.