17. From the middle of junior year until now, I haven't had a healthy body image. I struggled a lot with it over the summer, and I am actually really glad I didn't do swim team because of my trip, because I don't think I would have been able to handle it. I don't know why I started thinking this way, I always used to not care at all and was proud of myself for doing so.
18. I have had to work really hard to get to this level of friendship I have with everybody, it took three years. I feel I might have missed out on so many things because I wasn't able to get close to others fast enough.
19. There are times when I am incredibly curious about suicide, and if it wasn't for my serious aversion to pain, I might have attempted it several times, especially when I am going through a bout of depression.
20. Sometimes I legitimately forget to breathe. When I realize that I've stopped, I can't remember the last time I took a breath, and breathing normally takes a while to even out again. It's actually pretty amusing when you think about it.
Despite all this, I am a legitimately happy person. I enjoy so much about life and I love so many people. It's just that most of my dark matter is carefully hidden within me, and thus is the only type of thing I have to share that no one knows. In fact, I only have two or three happy secrets among everything else. And I guess it's good that everyone knows most of my happy things already (aside from the few or the things conversation just has gotten around to yet).
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